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Dean Foods Consumer Response July 4, 2010 Dear Dean Foods, This is just gnawing away at me. I was taking in a milk delivery at the store where I work and I noticed your plastic milk crates say “USE BY OTHER THAN REGISTERED OWNER PUNISHABLE BY LAW.” Now I’m not one to break laws but I think I might have set my block of Neufchatel cheese in the milk crate for a moment while I tended to a broken light bulb. I was just eating this cheese at work and the next moment I’m a criminal, the illegal non-registered user of a milk crate. This is a letter of my urgent entreaties not to incarcerate me. I’m already up to my neck in offenses (jaywalking; spitting on the sidewalk; not holding the door for an old woman at Starbucks). Technically, since the Neufchatel is dairy, maybe we can let it slide. It’s not like I put a wooden toy train or a live ferret in the milk crate. Cheese is a milk-derived product. In case this happens in the future, is there a form I can fill out to become the temporary registered owner of all incoming milk crates, then relinquish my ownership when the crates are returned to your farms? Often I set things down (lots of faulty light bulbs) and I fear the next illegal usage won’t involve Neufchatel cheese. Oh my god. I just remembered, I sat on an upside-down milk crate of yours for a moment when I was inspecting a light bulb. Does that constitute something “punishable by law”? What have I done?
Sincerely, |
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